time is near
So, yes. it has been much time since i've even checked a blog. Tonight is the night for it! Nick, i'm glad to see that you still come by this site to say a little hello or two. And jimmy, i'm always glad to see your name...makes me blush every time. I don't think that'll ever go away.
Today, I'm teaching the little kindergarteners....i'm running around making sure everyone is situated....some kids can't get the art smocks on very well and other kids fight over where they're gonna sit...some of them don't remember how to breath. just kidding. But seriously, kindergarteners sometimes forget their names, and I'm hoping they can paint, clean, and take responsibility for their artwork. whew...asking a lot it seems.
Well, today I'm teaching little kindergarteners.....and my art room door opens. Hmmm, first thought (a lost kid) - second thought (i don't care if they'll help me) - third thought (please don't be my principal). Reality: Here walked in Jimmy!!!!! Yaaaaaa, how exciting. Right in between the little kindergarteners. hehe. love it. So, I couldn't think very quickly on a good way to introduce him. First thought (This is a man i know, Mr. Butts) Second thought (Hey kids, meet Mr. Jimmy!) Third thought (Mrs. Carper's class, this is a special friend of mine, Mr. B) Forth Thought (Crap, it's already time for these kids to clean up....CLEAN UP TIME!!!!!)
So, we cleaned up the best we could and I left my art room a complete and total mess. oops. Plus, not a clue in my head what I'll teach the kids tomorrow. Maybe we'll make art, not think of too much, and make more art. Yes, this is good for me.
Eva Hesse is an artist that you should know!
Feminist! yes. she was. her art, still is. eva hesse tried to "de-femine" her artwork so that viewers would see her art as art. She wanted no one to describe her art as pretty, decorative, or beautiful. She forced images that did the opposite to those things. but.....with the use of different materials, a delicate nature is shown through. could this be her femininity? maybe. probably. it works. art can hold those qualities and still be taken seriously.
i love her work. she fought a hard, tough life. she made art. art made her.
I hope Patch lives, breathes, and swims.
so, nick recently asked me if i enjoy female artists (as in musicians). I responded, "Yes. I do." Then didn't know what exactly to say next so I said some stuff inside my head and stood there. I seem to do that a lot without noticing. Talking to myself in my head and forgetting that there is another person who might want to know what I'm talking about. Then I move on. And not much is said. Instead of conversing about female artists, I began to think about them and which ones I like...why I like them... when I decided that I like them...and so on. Lets see if i can make a list:
-Indigo Girls. Freshman year of Winthrop. 'Galileo' was prolly my favoritest song.
-Tiffany. umm. i think i could've been 5 years old, seriously. she rocked it.
-Gwen'No Doubt'. 7th grade. wanted to be her.
-Celene. yup, i did that for a little while. hilarious. i'm showing all vulnerability here. you can slap me later if necessary. or borrow the cd. whichever is appropriate.
-Deana Carter and Shania. Come on...need some good ol' country girls. slow dancing middle school days
-Jewel. loved her since the beginning. then she went weird with the slutes. still like her though.
-Fiona Apple. Morbid, nothing but real.
-Erika Baddu. can't spell that one. move my body music.
-Natali Merchant. she was cute.
-Bjork. My idol. well, not really. but she's the pennacle of good music. yes. i said it. umm during the Winthrop career. haven't turned back since.
-Rilo Kiley. fun dancy music. she's pretty new in my life.
-Hem. thanks to jimmy.
-Sarah Mclachlan. awww sweet tunes.
-Fiest. no one can resist this goodness.
-Over the Rhine. another thanks to jimmy. sexxy musica.
-Camera Obscura. different. retro. like it. colors. remind me of things. good things.
-Natalie King Cole. 'Unforgetable'
-Courtney Macmillan. Worship-er like no other.
Wow, that's a lot to work from. too late to keep thinking of such things. funny how we start thinking about one thing then our brains drift to another thing then another then another until we are somehow trying to figure out how it got be the 'other thing we started thinking about.' and now i am thinking about me thinking so that is metacognitive thinking, which probably doesn't have a good purpose to it at all except having a word to define it as just that. and there are many useless words and too many unexistant words that should exist, for better understanding people in general.
Vacation is
over. And tomorrow morning I finally wake up for cute kids doing art. Good reason to wake up.
ok. so a new painting i'm thinking/pondering/wondering upon....i'll start with a story within a story that happened a long time ago as well as earlier today. time can be more interesting if you really trying to enforce definitions/explanations.
Earlier today I am riding in the car with jimmy and enjoying the company. Long drives usually mean staring out windows, moving my body with music, staring at the driver, and sharing intimate parts of my heart. So, having to do with the latter one...I am talking about my relationship with my Daddy. And it got emotional. I'll try to do this without many details. I can remember when I started to disconnect from my Dad. My life didn't involve him everyday, and so it was hard to keep up with him. Every year he would try harder to be a part of my life and I was too stupid/young/immature to participate. He would move closer, closer, closer. He would ask questions and tell jokes. He would make dinners and take me to movies. He would feed me icecream with delights. He was/is amazing. Blinded by bitterness and denial and guarded by vulnerablity, I did not notice all the ways my Dad tried so hard to better love me.
Then, tonight I am thinking in the bathtup(where many thoughts are thought about), and realized/remembered that God does what my Dad does everyday of my life too. God tries harder everyday to be apart of my life. And then, amongst the bubbles, I became very grateful to have two Daddies who desire to love me better everyday.
Painting: will not be the bathtub scene. Better yet, the scene where God and my Daddy are trying to love me better and me trying to remember how I got so far away...disconnected. and why. and how I can try to connect more and more everyday.
These are ideas.
It was fun activly listening to your bands, Nick. completly satisfying.
this really is about my insides.
sometimes i feel selfish for wishing on things that maybe doesn't matter as much as i think it might. as most of you know (especially since not that many people read this), my body is not very good at keeping food and acid into my stomache...instead there is a party of up- up- up- and then me not feeling too well. like tonight, for instance, i got emotional that my body doesn't behave like it should, or ought to. usually, i don't get emotional about it- i just live with it. but tonight, i was sad. i wanted to eat and not feel bad afterwards. i wanted to cuddle with jimmy during a romantic movie without hurting. i wanted to imagine future days with more detail that i will not share here.
then, as i was crying and holding jimmy's hand, i thought that maybe God wants me to live off of bread and water. like in Mathew when it talks about food is for your stomache and stomache for food. well, my stomache doesn't handle food very well, but bread doesn't seem to bother it as much as other things. and its scary to think that God wants me to live with only bread and water. i mean, eating is enjoyable when other people are involved. and its weird enough when i'm eating with other people and they offer me ummm, let's say pizza, and i say, "no i can't." then they ask, "why?" and i have to explain this strange bodily misfunction and it becomes the entire dinner conversation. imagine what that would turn into if i'm just eating bread and water. people will ask and ask and ask and ask. until i then, eat whatever is available again.
and going out to eat will be silly....
: "What will you have maam?" : "Just an order of bread...oh, and no butter or garlic or anything that tastes good. just bread. and a water too. no lemon though!"
see. it is weird.
and then, i feel selfish for even thinking about for so long.
sleep. that's what i'll do.
I'm a Winthrop Alumni
Yesterday I walked. Well, I have really been walking for quite some time, but yesterday it meant something more. It is not because I wore super high heels or wooden Japanese shoes. It is not because I was trying to hoola hoop and eat an icecream cone while laughing with Jimmy. It is also not because I made extra money by doing the walk...well, wait. that might have happened. hehe.
It is because yesterday I walked, with no shoes on, up to a man, who shook my hand then complimented my necklace, received a booklet, that actually had nothing of importance in it yet, then I shook hands with two other men, and this is not how I made extra money, somehow got my picture taken, with a cute pose, and all of that meant that I graduated from college, or a university. Yaaaaa. no more classes. no more exams. no more campus police tacking my car up with pink and yellow slips of nonsense paper.
my future is before me. oh, and people keep telling me that i have entered the 'real world.' So it'll be interesting to see what's different about the world I have been living in for 23 years in comparison to now. As for this very moment, the world seems the same. But I guess, I could have been living in a pretend, make-believe world all this time without knowing it. And I wouldn't have a way of realizing it was pretend unless something or someone revealed the truth to me. Which has already happened in my life. So the 'real world' thing is pretty much the same world as yesterday's yesterday.
Here is what I will do now that I have my own little diploma:
1. Make a mother's day gift
2. Stretch canvas and paint
3. Pray
4. eat lunch with jimmy
5. drink a black russian
6. walk. read. walk again
7. play tennis, grunt while i hit the ball.
8. daydream
9. daydream some more.
10. watch cartoons while drinking coffee out of my new mugs.
Man, life with a diploma rocks.
I'm jumping back in middle school.
So as I was checking up on Laura's Blog, I quickly noticed that I was requested to fill out this form. And since I have sleeping issues, and cannot submit to sleep, I will fulfill the request. Yaaaa. then it's jimmy's turn. Ha ha ha ha ha.
Four Jobs I've had...
1) Cheer Instructor
2) Pastime Pavillion Theatre
3) Gymnastics Instructor
4) Lifeguard
Four Movies I can watch OVER & OVER
1) Wedding Singer
2) City of Angels, Ever After, Great Expectations
3) Eternal Sunshine
4) I heart Huckabees
Four Places I've lived:
1) Lexington, and all over it
2) in the thrill
3) in a dorm room, with the darbs
4) one day, i will live in a tree
Four Shows I love:
1) Chicago
2) Cabera
3) The Producers
4) Circus De Solie (Spelling?)
Four Places I've vacationed:
1) Dirty Myrtle Beach
2) Mountains of West Virginia
3) San Fransisco
4) Maryland, with the maryland #1, and #2
Four of My Fave Dishes:
1) Chocolate chip cookies
2) salmon
3) pineapple casserole
4) icecream and coffee
Four sites I visit daily:
1) jimmy's blog
2) my email
3) the weather at yahoo
4) small group's blog
Four Places I'd rather be right now:
1) wishing i could sleep right now.
2) in Austrailia
3) Maine
4) taking a walk, looking at the stars, with jimmy
Four Friends that I will tag to do what I have just done:
1) jimmy
2) darby
3) matty
4) the other one who feels inspired just becuase you have read this! Ha Ha Ha
That was fun. kinda like those middle school quizes i used to fill out. man, wasted time. i'm gonna read my bible. that is how i can redeam myself from this blog. hope yall had fun reading all that.
