my insides gutted for you2see

time is near

2006-10-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

So, yes. it has been much time since i've even checked a blog. Tonight is the night for it! Nick, i'm glad to see that you still come by this site to say a little hello or two. And jimmy, i'm always glad to see your name...makes me blush every time. I don't think that'll ever go away.
Today, I'm teaching the little kindergarteners....i'm running around making sure everyone is situated....some kids can't get the art smocks on very well and other kids fight over where they're gonna sit...some of them don't remember how to breath. just kidding. But seriously, kindergarteners sometimes forget their names, and I'm hoping they can paint, clean, and take responsibility for their artwork. whew...asking a lot it seems.
Well, today I'm teaching little kindergarteners.....and my art room door opens. Hmmm, first thought (a lost kid) - second thought (i don't care if they'll help me) - third thought (please don't be my principal). Reality: Here walked in Jimmy!!!!! Yaaaaaa, how exciting. Right in between the little kindergarteners. hehe. love it. So, I couldn't think very quickly on a good way to introduce him. First thought (This is a man i know, Mr. Butts) Second thought (Hey kids, meet Mr. Jimmy!) Third thought (Mrs. Carper's class, this is a special friend of mine, Mr. B) Forth Thought (Crap, it's already time for these kids to clean up....CLEAN UP TIME!!!!!)
So, we cleaned up the best we could and I left my art room a complete and total mess. oops. Plus, not a clue in my head what I'll teach the kids tomorrow. Maybe we'll make art, not think of too much, and make more art. Yes, this is good for me.

Eva Hesse is an artist that you should know!

2006-07-19T17:28:00.000-07:00

Feminist! yes. she was. her art, still is. eva hesse tried to "de-femine" her artwork so that viewers would see her art as art. She wanted no one to describe her art as pretty, decorative, or beautiful. She forced images that did the opposite to those things. but.....with the use of different materials, a delicate nature is shown through. could this be her femininity? maybe. probably. it works. art can hold those qualities and still be taken seriously.
i love her work. she fought a hard, tough life. she made art. art made her.

I hope Patch lives, breathes, and swims.

2006-06-11T19:31:00.000-07:00

so, nick recently asked me if i enjoy female artists (as in musicians). I responded, "Yes. I do." Then didn't know what exactly to say next so I said some stuff inside my head and stood there. I seem to do that a lot without noticing. Talking to myself in my head and forgetting that there is another person who might want to know what I'm talking about. Then I move on. And not much is said. Instead of conversing about female artists, I began to think about them and which ones I like...why I like them... when I decided that I like them...and so on. Lets see if i can make a list:

-Indigo Girls. Freshman year of Winthrop. 'Galileo' was prolly my favoritest song.
-Tiffany. umm. i think i could've been 5 years old, seriously. she rocked it.
-Gwen'No Doubt'. 7th grade. wanted to be her.
-Celene. yup, i did that for a little while. hilarious. i'm showing all vulnerability here. you can slap me later if necessary. or borrow the cd. whichever is appropriate.
-Deana Carter and Shania. Come on...need some good ol' country girls. slow dancing middle school days
-Jewel. loved her since the beginning. then she went weird with the slutes. still like her though.
-Fiona Apple. Morbid, nothing but real.
-Erika Baddu. can't spell that one. move my body music.
-Natali Merchant. she was cute.
-Bjork. My idol. well, not really. but she's the pennacle of good music. yes. i said it. umm during the Winthrop career. haven't turned back since.
-Rilo Kiley. fun dancy music. she's pretty new in my life.
-Hem. thanks to jimmy.
-Sarah Mclachlan. awww sweet tunes.
-Fiest. no one can resist this goodness.
-Over the Rhine. another thanks to jimmy. sexxy musica.
-Camera Obscura. different. retro. like it. colors. remind me of things. good things.
-Natalie King Cole. 'Unforgetable'
-Courtney Macmillan. Worship-er like no other.

Wow, that's a lot to work from. too late to keep thinking of such things. funny how we start thinking about one thing then our brains drift to another thing then another then another until we are somehow trying to figure out how it got be the 'other thing we started thinking about.' and now i am thinking about me thinking so that is metacognitive thinking, which probably doesn't have a good purpose to it at all except having a word to define it as just that. and there are many useless words and too many unexistant words that should exist, for better understanding people in general.

Vacation is

2006-05-29T20:44:00.000-07:00
over. And tomorrow morning I finally wake up for cute kids doing art. Good reason to wake up.
ok. so a new painting i'm thinking/pondering/wondering upon....i'll start with a story within a story that happened a long time ago as well as earlier today. time can be more interesting if you really trying to enforce definitions/explanations.

Earlier today I am riding in the car with jimmy and enjoying the company. Long drives usually mean staring out windows, moving my body with music, staring at the driver, and sharing intimate parts of my heart. So, having to do with the latter one...I am talking about my relationship with my Daddy. And it got emotional. I'll try to do this without many details. I can remember when I started to disconnect from my Dad. My life didn't involve him everyday, and so it was hard to keep up with him. Every year he would try harder to be a part of my life and I was too stupid/young/immature to participate. He would move closer, closer, closer. He would ask questions and tell jokes. He would make dinners and take me to movies. He would feed me icecream with delights. He was/is amazing. Blinded by bitterness and denial and guarded by vulnerablity, I did not notice all the ways my Dad tried so hard to better love me.
Then, tonight I am thinking in the bathtup(where many thoughts are thought about), and realized/remembered that God does what my Dad does everyday of my life too. God tries harder everyday to be apart of my life. And then, amongst the bubbles, I became very grateful to have two Daddies who desire to love me better everyday.
Painting: will not be the bathtub scene. Better yet, the scene where God and my Daddy are trying to love me better and me trying to remember how I got so far away...disconnected. and why. and how I can try to connect more and more everyday.
These are ideas.

It was fun activly listening to your bands, Nick. completly satisfying.

this really is about my insides.

2006-05-11T22:12:00.000-07:00
sometimes i feel selfish for wishing on things that maybe doesn't matter as much as i think it might. as most of you know (especially since not that many people read this), my body is not very good at keeping food and acid into my stomache...instead there is a party of up- up- up- and then me not feeling too well. like tonight, for instance, i got emotional that my body doesn't behave like it should, or ought to. usually, i don't get emotional about it- i just live with it. but tonight, i was sad. i wanted to eat and not feel bad afterwards. i wanted to cuddle with jimmy during a romantic movie without hurting. i wanted to imagine future days with more detail that i will not share here.
then, as i was crying and holding jimmy's hand, i thought that maybe God wants me to live off of bread and water. like in Mathew when it talks about food is for your stomache and stomache for food. well, my stomache doesn't handle food very well, but bread doesn't seem to bother it as much as other things. and its scary to think that God wants me to live with only bread and water. i mean, eating is enjoyable when other people are involved. and its weird enough when i'm eating with other people and they offer me ummm, let's say pizza, and i say, "no i can't." then they ask, "why?" and i have to explain this strange bodily misfunction and it becomes the entire dinner conversation. imagine what that would turn into if i'm just eating bread and water. people will ask and ask and ask and ask. until i then, eat whatever is available again.
and going out to eat will be silly.... : "What will you have maam?" : "Just an order of bread...oh, and no butter or garlic or anything that tastes good. just bread. and a water too. no lemon though!"
see. it is weird.
and then, i feel selfish for even thinking about for so long.
sleep. that's what i'll do.

I'm a Winthrop Alumni

2006-05-07T20:31:00.000-07:00
Yesterday I walked. Well, I have really been walking for quite some time, but yesterday it meant something more. It is not because I wore super high heels or wooden Japanese shoes. It is not because I was trying to hoola hoop and eat an icecream cone while laughing with Jimmy. It is also not because I made extra money by doing the walk...well, wait. that might have happened. hehe.
It is because yesterday I walked, with no shoes on, up to a man, who shook my hand then complimented my necklace, received a booklet, that actually had nothing of importance in it yet, then I shook hands with two other men, and this is not how I made extra money, somehow got my picture taken, with a cute pose, and all of that meant that I graduated from college, or a university. Yaaaaa. no more classes. no more exams. no more campus police tacking my car up with pink and yellow slips of nonsense paper.
my future is before me. oh, and people keep telling me that i have entered the 'real world.' So it'll be interesting to see what's different about the world I have been living in for 23 years in comparison to now. As for this very moment, the world seems the same. But I guess, I could have been living in a pretend, make-believe world all this time without knowing it. And I wouldn't have a way of realizing it was pretend unless something or someone revealed the truth to me. Which has already happened in my life. So the 'real world' thing is pretty much the same world as yesterday's yesterday.

Here is what I will do now that I have my own little diploma:
1. Make a mother's day gift
2. Stretch canvas and paint
3. Pray
4. eat lunch with jimmy
5. drink a black russian
6. walk. read. walk again
7. play tennis, grunt while i hit the ball.
8. daydream
9. daydream some more.
10. watch cartoons while drinking coffee out of my new mugs.

Man, life with a diploma rocks.

I'm jumping back in middle school.

2006-05-03T22:41:00.000-07:00
So as I was checking up on Laura's Blog, I quickly noticed that I was requested to fill out this form. And since I have sleeping issues, and cannot submit to sleep, I will fulfill the request. Yaaaa. then it's jimmy's turn. Ha ha ha ha ha.

Four Jobs I've had...
1) Cheer Instructor
2) Pastime Pavillion Theatre
3) Gymnastics Instructor
4) Lifeguard

Four Movies I can watch OVER & OVER
1) Wedding Singer
2) City of Angels, Ever After, Great Expectations
3) Eternal Sunshine
4) I heart Huckabees

Four Places I've lived:
1) Lexington, and all over it
2) in the thrill
3) in a dorm room, with the darbs
4) one day, i will live in a tree

Four Shows I love:
1) Chicago
2) Cabera
3) The Producers
4) Circus De Solie (Spelling?)

Four Places I've vacationed:
1) Dirty Myrtle Beach
2) Mountains of West Virginia
3) San Fransisco
4) Maryland, with the maryland #1, and #2

Four of My Fave Dishes:
1) Chocolate chip cookies
2) salmon
3) pineapple casserole
4) icecream and coffee

Four sites I visit daily:
1) jimmy's blog
2) my email
3) the weather at yahoo
4) small group's blog

Four Places I'd rather be right now:
1) wishing i could sleep right now.
2) in Austrailia
3) Maine
4) taking a walk, looking at the stars, with jimmy

Four Friends that I will tag to do what I have just done:
1) jimmy
2) darby
3) matty
4) the other one who feels inspired just becuase you have read this! Ha Ha Ha

That was fun. kinda like those middle school quizes i used to fill out. man, wasted time. i'm gonna read my bible. that is how i can redeam myself from this blog. hope yall had fun reading all that.

2006-05-01T07:23:00.000-07:00
It has been quite a while since I've been on this thing. Here are things that have happened or will happen relatively soon: graduate, sleep in a lot, eat breakfast, remember weird dreams since I get to sleep in, sign a contract, find a summer job.
Ok, so the dreams are starting to weird me out. Since I've been not waking up by an alarm, I can remember what I dream.

Last night I dreamt that a group of us were watching some dumb basketball game. I remember jimmy, darby, matt, danielle, jimmy's brother adam, and that might be all(well, my daddy and sister were there too). So adam and I went on the other side of the gym and he started making a scene doing dumb stuff. Jimmy then joined us with the rest of the crew. People were getting upset that we all were being ridiculous. There was this little square pool built into the basketball court, only where we were sitting. So we kept splashing into the water and be loud. Then I went up to a basketball player, that shouldn't have been on the team, and told her exactly that. My friends validated it was ok to tell her so I didn't feel bad. Then this strange lady came into the gym from a side door and calls all of us over. She kicked us out of the game and threw us into this 'other world.' It was weird. Kinda like a jungle, and there were strange people everywhere. We didnt think the people were nice and so we tried to stay clear of them. That didn't work and they snatched us up. I don't think I remember the rest. My phone rang.

So, if anyone has the desire to interpret this dream. Please do so.

curious george

2006-03-08T14:22:00.000-08:00
If you gutted my insides this very moment, you would find dill pickles and milk. MMMM Tasty. and a maze into my heart. crazy fun in there. yes.

Paint my life

2006-02-08T16:27:00.000-08:00
Time. It can be good or miserable. I have not had "good" time in a while...except at Christmas break. I always feel like I'm too busy to enjoy the present time. It is hard to stop what I'm doing in order to even realize what I am doing. Sad. I do have the urge to create, make something expressive or simple or empty (minimal). This takes time though. I feel like I think of fun things to create, but I never execute those ideas. Which makes the idea nothing at all...no strings to hold it together, no substance.
I wonder if other people feel this.
And I wonder if it will pass so that I will have "good" time soon.
I know that God is still using this time I have through whatever I am doing.
It is just hard for me to stay consistantly assured becuase I am human -who measures progress through concrete executions.

Question of the week:
If you had one painting to represent God, how would it look?

Love, Hope

2006-01-06T22:49:00.000-08:00
Everyone always says that the New Year is a time to change. but i've always thought that every moment could be a time to change. Planning things are weird to me, sometimes. For changing at least. I like change to be random and spontaneous and good. I do hope for betterness though so that I can learn and grow and love better, but i do not think of hoping as planning. And so, I feel ok about hope.

What do you hope for?

I watched a movie tonight- about some artists during the early 1900s. It was good, showed the hard parts of life, of the streets. Showed how desperate artists/people can be at times. And the whole time I kept thinking of how life is livable with God, with Christ. The charactors in the movie had no hope, no love of a Savior and I knew that without God in my life, I don't know how I would make it through those days of harshness. And I feel so lucky to have that love in my heart and know that I am a child who is protected with the best love.

Lookin Ahead

2006-01-03T10:04:00.000-08:00
My fears and worries keep me wondering things that probably aren't healthy to consume my mind with. And I probably, like most intelligent or short people, use social opportunities to escape myself from being eaten away with my own selfish anxieties (don't get too curious of these 'anxieties'....if you want to know extremely bad, and if you are close to my heart then maybe wanting to know them is natural, you can simply ask me personally and i will be glad or forced into sharing them with you). My appetite is losing it's interest with these thoughts that exist within me. And so now here i am with no people to redirect my attention, and i am forced to be with myself (besides talking to an old friend who is in a far away country only sharing random thoughts like how squirrels find nuts or what you should do in a desert for vacation or the power in pirates or lastly, how to spread the good news of sporks in Iraq). Either way, I sit in my room, stare out my window (not a good view for anyone who enjoys looking out windows) trying to figure out how to spend my time better than how i am spending it right now. then i remembered that the only way to be productive while being me, is to make a list of things to do. So now, i am thinking about all the things to add on my list instead of writing them down (oh how i get distracted).

I really want this new year of 2006 to be one that i look forward to. I want each day to be special and interesting and fun and serious and full of laughing and full of icecream and full of being good & healhty and other things too. I want this year to about where the Lord wants me to be. I want to go places and see people and give things to friends and maybe strangers too.

And I want to spend the new year with you!

what to do on NEW YEAR'S EVE

2005-12-15T14:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday is over.

2005-11-28T11:22:00.000-08:00
I am wearing a compass to direct me where i need to go today. It has naturally helped and I have made it to the right destination places-in reality and in my heart. All yesterday I was emotionally fragile and one skewed word or one disapiontment would brake me into many bits. This was mostly unfortunate for the ones who I hold closest to my heart. And I am very grateful for everything and everyone that surrounds me in my days, but as for yesterday, I did not portray this security. I am sorry for that.

Thank you for your prayers,

I feel better already.

dreams

2005-11-21T06:15:00.000-08:00
Who has weird dreams? I think we should all keep dream journals so that we can share the weirdness of our subconsciouses together. This morning I am trying oh so hard to get up, but the dream I was having kept me falling back asleep so that I could continue my curiousity. And now, I am up but can't really remember enough to tell someone about it. The crazy part, is I can definately remember how I felt in my dream. Like the emotion is clearly defined but the story is blurred. I find this being strange and so it has influenced my desire to keep a dream journal.

Here are some ideas: Whoever keeps a dream journal, like me, can experience enlightment on their internal secret thoughts. Then, we can go to a wonderful coffee shop and share our dream stories. While sipping on white mocas, we all can interpret the dream stories to our benefit and enjoy each other.

Who's in?

Geez, people.

2005-11-16T11:17:00.000-08:00
When people can share their ideas and opinions on things, it allows self-growth and reflection. Being presented different ideas that you do not submit to, is a chance to act open-minded and critically think about the rationales for those ideas. Even if you do not want to agree with another idea or opinion, it is important to be able to listen and consider them. This process allows you to better know why you think the way you do. People should create positive atmospheres in an academic setting so that new ideas and opinions can be easily shared. It is a privilege to be able to think independently and even more of a privilege to have the opportunity and share what you think.

When others do not listen or take the time to reflect on independent ideas, creativity is lost within a group of people. No one wants to share their opinions if others become defensive and argumentative, which then leads to a group with the same ideas and the same opinions. This is dangerous when independent thinking becomes vulnerable to the active thinking ones. And more dangerous to the ones who do not take the time to “agree to disagree.” Why have opinions when no one cares to even think about them.

It is ok for me to think one thing, and you to think another. Mine is not right, and yours is not wrong. They are different.

And yes, it is ignorant for people to view art and not think about the intentions of the artist.

ig·no·rant: adj.
1. Lacking education or knowledge
2. Showing or arising from a lack of education or knowledge: an ignorant mistake.
3. Unaware or uninformed.

ohhh Saturday

2005-11-05T11:22:00.000-08:00
I am definately supposed to be doing work. My body does not want to submit to that though. I feel like never get to spend time alone like I used to. And I don't really want to too much, which is weird becuase usually I freak out if I don't get "alone time." I would like to say that I love letting my heart, my thoughts, my body, my time, and my dependence grow closer to the one who has my heart with everything else. Jimmy, it is incredible how you make me feel so sensitive and aware of myself. I am seriously the luckiest girl to be able to know you, spend time with you, and figure out your insides. And I know that I am safe with you. And I want to do everything to make you feel wanted, feel special, feel safe, feel excited, feel satisfied....I think I will try to find some canvas to paint on. Maybe I should take pictures of my paintings and post them. yes, i will try to do that. bye friends. miss all of you.

Pictures I stole from Laura. (with my ninja skills)

2005-10-12T11:41:00.000-07:00

so, Art Ed conference was a blast. 9 Chicks in the same condo= lots of girls. haha, and lots of giggles. fun fun fun.

yaaaaaa

2005-10-04T22:36:00.000-07:00
Finished my painting!!!! What a glorious feeling, and oh that still life might haunt my dreams tonight, just kidding. But now i get to do another! Wuhooo. On a brighter side of things, one more day, and i'm on my sweet way to learn some of arts and education. Probably get some high fives and cheap sketchbooks. and a kiss from the ocean. this is a bit off subject, but as of tomorrow, i will have zero clean panties. this seems to be a problem. i don't know how resourceful and creative i'll be in the morning, but i'm really looking forward to it. If you were me in this predicament, how would you handle being pantiless?

7:37am-Breath 5:23pm-Blink 9:02pm-Dream

2005-09-26T04:12:00.000-07:00
i will make this week successful. Probably because I have recorded my everylasting minute for the entire week. I know when to breath, when to blink, when to listen, and when to dream.

My life has become a check list. A "to do" list. A daily log. An annoyance that keeps reminding me to please the cultural expectations.

lost paint

2005-09-20T13:45:00.000-07:00
i think my paint walked away one evening. why would it walk away from me? maybe the paint is playing a game. a hide and seek game. maybe it is hungry, or thirsty. maybe the paint is trying to find itself, spiritually-or emotionally. or find it's parents. what would be the paint's parents? (answer: dirt, pigment, chemicals, dunno, maybe a mushroom or flower)
it is sad to me that i cannot find my paint. especially since i have to paint a still life. i mean, that is rough enough, right?> then having this complication of the paint not wanting to be beside me, encouraging me to use it in the most graceful and expressive ways.
ohhh paint. return to me. make me yours. befriend me.

when i was a little girl...

2005-09-13T22:32:00.000-07:00
i love how everything in life has connections to everything in my life. seems like conversations circle in and out of each other. sometimes its too strange to think it real-other times it seems too real to think it strange. and i love to imagine. different things really. things that are fun like the circus. when i was a little girl, i used to imagine that i danced in really big shows. and so, i would dance everywhere i went. i couldn't slack off the job. my audience would be disappointed. i used to imagine that my fort (in the woods) was my home, where i lived. always. i would never go inside my real house. nope. i was already at home, living in between the trees, the dirt path i raked out, and the handmade hammack i created out of a fishing net. i loved that hammock-used to sit there for hours and listen to nature speak to me. i used to imagine that i was a cook in a breakfast restaurant. i would serve my family everything they would want for saturday morning breakfast. they had to wait to be seated of course. on the stairs, my family would eagerly wait and watch me run around the kitchen to finish the last of the meal. and when i had my babydolls all set up in their highchairs at the table, my family could be escorted to their seats for the breakfast they patiently waited on. i would imagine that the rain was magical. everytime it rained when i was at home, i would grab my frilly baby blue umbrella, run outside, and dance in the rain under my umbrella. the umbrella had my name painted on it in pink, and carrasel horses painted on it in purple. no matter how hard those raindrops came down, i still danced and sang. i made up songs all the time. have no clue what i was singing, just words. i put words together. i imagined i was in mary poppins. sometimes the neighbors had loud parties. i had no clue what they did at parties when i was young. but on saturday mornings, after the party, i would collect all the empty beer bottles and cans, and make mountains out of them. the mountains were always in my neighbor's yard of course. oh, i bet they loved me.
did anyone ever create a house out of refridgerator boxes? that was my favorite i think. i loved to sit in the ginarmous box and imagine that i was hidden from the world. it was my own hide out. it was comfy. it was great. i want to huge box. to make a hide out with.

beautiful

2005-09-12T22:31:00.000-07:00
what a day. i don't understand how my body is going as it is. no sleep hardly and i've been hyper all day. matty must've given some of that gross tea without me knowing it. hehe. the stars are out. they're bright. i love to stare at them. they keep telling me to shut my eyes. i may be listening this time. yes. apparently i am listening. goodnight to all. jimmy, i am glowing. must be those stars.
darby don't throw up. i hear that's not healthy.
nighty nighty,

"image maker"

2005-09-05T11:11:00.000-07:00

Images. Do they hold meaning? Where exactly do these visuals come from? Since it will take too long plus too many words, I will simply answer that this image comes from a conditioned section of my memory. (As most images) Every textbook has tons of weird imagery, some extravagent, some outdated, some historical, most are generic. And like this image that I have created, it communicates generic. And then, to myself, I question the originality of the piece....Did I create this? I mean, compositionally yes. But imagery sensely comes from my own memory of prior seen images, and with that said, no. This image has definately been used, or else I would not even know of it. And since all images come from another image stored somewhere up there, then no image is created by that "Image Maker." So, who in the world is the "Image Maker?"
And again, too many words to answer that one, or too simple to state for ease of keeping my intellectual capabilities. I'll leave it up to you. Whoever you may be.
And let me know, if you enjoy the nonsense of my creating...

Passionate people

2005-09-01T18:29:00.000-07:00
What does it mean to live passionately? I turn on the tv, just to witness the news-the media, the only way for me and every other American to know, try to imagine, what is happening within the country we live in, America. A place where we were born. A place where we grew up. A place where we made friends. I stare at the screen with tears in my eyes as I watch little children with battered mothers. Nowhere to sleep, no food to eat, no water to drink. These pitiful images of people like me, who don't know what the next day will bring. A hope. A miracle. I am sitting at a kitchen table, eating food, drinking milk. I am wishing that I could take the place of the tiny black baby girl who just cries on my tv screen. The numbers of Americans who were killed are being spoken with dry, solid words. Music plays. I cry still. I think of God and what He would want me to do. I feel small and know that I should stop what I am doing and pray for these people. No, I will join a bigger group of believers so that my prayer will stand with others and hold more power, an intense cry from passionate people. The night is at it's end, and I still have tears. I still have one single prayer. Where did my passionate people go? Where did the focus go? Why do we worry so with our simple, small matters when our own country is in mourning. Desperate measures! Desperate! God is humbling this country, this people, this time. Drop your things and cry out. These tears never dry. Maybe that is what it means to live passionately.

night time in lauren's world

2005-08-23T21:21:00.000-07:00

So, it's getting late on the first day of school. ok, well yesterday was the first day of school but i'm not counting it that way because i'm still awake from it all. got wired. hate that....tired all day then awake at night-something seems wrong with that. but interesting day. figured out that Douglas Adams is sneakier than i thought...with all that Quantam Physics in his writing. what a great guy. i wish kurt vonegut interviewed him in that book he wrote of all those dead guy interviews. man, that would have been a good one. oh well,

Question: Let's say that you are in a meadow with lots of wheat. You have a camera and only 3 minutes to film something. The objective is to create a spectacular visual using only what's in the meadow and capturing it on film. So, describe with all your describing words(that's for darbs), what your creation looks/feels/smells/tastes/reflects like?

and, if anyone has some Rilo Kiley music....my body needs it! seriously, want to put my ears in pure satisfaction.

2005-08-15T11:05:00.000-07:00

Bandshell, this is a model of a sculpture, but the real life one isn't this clear to see so I posted this one instead. this is seriously the one i fell for immediately

2005-08-15T11:04:00.001-07:00

Egyplosis- what do you guys think of this one?

2005-08-15T11:04:00.000-07:00

Spectalia from Imaginary Places- reminds me of kandinsky.

2005-08-15T11:03:00.000-07:00

this one is brilliant

2005-08-15T11:02:00.001-07:00

Shards IV

2005-08-15T11:02:00.000-07:00

a screenprint. holy crap amazing

2005-08-15T11:00:00.000-07:00

Inspired by Moby-Dick.

fell upon an artist

2005-08-15T10:28:00.000-07:00
So I have found another artist that I fell in love with. well, not the artist as a person himself, but definately his works. So i guess, i am in love with insides- creative energy, that is.
Frank Stella. some of you may already know of him or his work, but if not, i'll introduce you two:
He is an abstract artist(works mainly with elements and principles of design to complete the technicalities of art with careful and precise compositions). Full of lines, shapes, color, movement, repetition, and goodness! It is similar to Kandinsky, my all time favorite artist. Frank Stella has some prints, sculptures, reliefs, collages, and who knows what else. He captures brillance in one work and it's the kind of design that is a complete experience when you're absorbing it all in. No, you cannot just "look" at his art. You have to become the art and stare at it for so long that you can't tell which line is that line you started out seeing. And there you are wondering how long you've been apart of the work, but it doesn't matter because you've just experienced the art instead of "looking" at it(like most people do). These words I write, describing his work, sounds and seems a bit silly. That is ok with me. This is how I feel when I enjoy art, and this is what I would tell you if we were both standing in a gallery of Frank's work...in admiration, in wonderment, in complete satisfaction, holding a white mocha in my left hand so that i can hold your hand/arm with my right hand, to help keep my balance as I drift away inside the work before our small bodies.
And here is a little for you to fall into....

it was fun

2005-08-14T22:58:00.000-07:00
Warped Tour rocked out! and there is too much goodness to say but if you want to know, ask...i am not typing it all out.

As for other parts of life: i feel free as for now, no class, no work (this week), no stress. finally, a chance to breath and do things i enjoy. there are people to see, painting to do. i need to check my list of things that i want to learn how to do or just do. and when i know that i don't need to wake up early....i never want to go to bed. which is not a good thing because i'm pretty sleepy right now. and this is why good words are not flowing out onto this computer screen that you guys are all reading.
Tomorrow, i hope i shall do art.
And everyone needs to be working on their writings for Pink Paint. I think Matty should write a story about getting slammed by that tree. yea, i see good things with that happening. goodnight, i've had enough.

2005-08-14T22:48:00.000-07:00

"responsiblity what's that, responsibility not quite yet"...........hey, check out those hardcore fans

2005-08-14T22:42:00.000-07:00

crazy fool took his pants off. that's right, those are shorty shorts!

2005-08-14T22:33:00.001-07:00

rockin out makes me sleepy

2005-08-14T22:33:00.000-07:00

der we are. aww purfect

2005-08-14T22:32:00.000-07:00

whoa babe. it's just a dude with shorty shorts. no need to be scurred

2005-08-14T22:31:00.000-07:00

Check out this list. yes, be jealous if you weren't there.

2005-08-14T22:30:00.000-07:00

darlin take me by the hand, we're gonna see a punk rock band!.

2005-08-14T22:24:00.000-07:00

mk lk

a piece of goodness i will share

2005-08-02T08:12:00.000-07:00
So, thanks to Nick i'm searching through some interesting "Worship Art" and fell upon a dude who makes some digital movies. Some are cartoony, pretty great way to spend your time no doubt. So, I hope you guys enjoy this one as much as I did.

http://www.cmunki.net/flash/drum%20circle.htm

Time

2005-07-25T08:35:00.001-07:00
It's been quite a while since i've posted. Inconvenience since I don't have internet on my computer at home so my addiction to the internet world has been shut down. It was all for the best because now I know that I can go through a day without having the urge to be at the computer. And before, that was questionable.
The fun of "blogging" isn't the same anymore guys. I guess it was a rush of excitement at the beginning and now that the "beginning" is done with, the excitement left too. Oh well. Now, I'm going to brainstorm about things that I want to do or learn or be better at......
*read more interesting things(feminist essays, philosophical views, historical nonsense...hehe, just kidding about the "nonsense" part)
*of course I need to draw better
*learn or practice Japanese caligraphy and characters
*need to rock climb and do more yoga
*cook(although, this doesn't interest me as much, but I feel like I should learn to cook good and healthy stuff)
*learn how to change the oil in my car
*make a ceramic pot for Eternal

i'm gonna stop my list here before it seems overwhelming. Even though these things are fun- just seems like there isn't enough time for stuff anymore. So I hope by making a list, a tangible document, that it will be easier to jump into.

Fusterated as an American

2005-07-11T18:32:00.000-07:00
For a while now I have been constantly thinking about our America and how "free" our land is. As I engage on these contradictive thoughts, I am reminded that my heart screams out for a change. The media, the perspective on news, the materialism that is more important than dignity, the ongoing race for money, and the culture of peoples' thoughts or lack there of in which allow these definitions to overcome America. Every thought of Capitalism and Corporations makes my insides want to pour out of each oraface of my body-my insides are blowing up and what can I do? Swallow them and wake up to another day as an American. Am I proud to be an American? Of course, you fools(and not by calling you readers as "fools", just the ones that would question my loyality and pride of my country). The founders of this very country shared my opposition on these very issues. I am proud in that. I love to think about the founders of America and how "liberal" they were and how active they were in order to make justice and to fight their way to a change. They fought against Britain who held us down with control. Americans were not to be oppressed! After a time of hardship and ongoing activism for self control, look at where America ended up. How stupid can people be? Allowing Corporations to control each aspect of life. Damaging the air, food, water, employments, and thoughts plus values. Where did our sense of ethics go? For years Americans have sat back and enjoyed being puppets in a society of CEOs and policies affecting the freedom that was fought for. Freedom is a word of no living definition.
And so what do I do with this? As of now I am living with it and trying to make the best of it all by putting my recycling bin on the curb in front of my house where I only turn on lights as needed and open windows on breezy days to conserve what we have of energy. I walk down the street instead of driving my car and buy my eggs in cardboard trays instead of styrofone. I send emails to the chief justice of whoknowswhat trying to protect the little codes we have on our environment and wildlife.
These are not ways to bring change, my friends! These are only ways to keep this way of ridicule life moving in the direction of total destruction. How I am mocked! I am a puppet! You are a puppet! They have strings on every limb of my being and taking me here then there and here again to this very point of being stuck. There is no way out. We are all controlled by the elites who decide our future for us in the matters of money. And us, Americans, are scramaging for it...for how else to eat, learn, conversate, relate. Money is a necessary tool for survival and it will be the end of me.
I am so completely tired and feel weak. I want to do something and make a difference. I don't know where to turn and how to start. I laugh at graduality and desperately need a sudden point to take me there. Friends of mine, if I have made any point at all, remember that America was not intended to evolve into this new type of species. And to be satisfied with babies in our tummies, a change is in ultimate need!

you know who"you" are

2005-07-07T00:05:00.000-07:00
you are happiness, comfort, necesary, real, and best of all, passionate. there are words endless i could use, but we'll start with these. i feel like i could write so much, but when i start..i just start thinking of everything about you and i can't even imagine how to write that. seriously, how do you write that?

Darby

2005-07-04T00:40:00.000-07:00
Have you noticed that our blogs are really just the two of us chatting to each other(with a few exceptions, naturally). And to think, we only live a few yards away from each other. maybe we need to work on our face to face, personal communication skills. look at where our friendship is going....the internet is mocking us. can't you hear them laughing, right now?

beautiful living

2005-07-02T22:10:00.000-07:00
ok, i was talking to my ex roommate about environmental stuff and she told me about this community called the Energy Exchange. In a nutshell, these people live in an isolated area near the mountains in NC and only use natural resources to survive. Instead of being saturated with unnecessary oil,Capitalism,pop culture's strange ideas or ideals,and genetically altered food-this group of people have simplified their way of living to the bare essentials. I think it is absolutely beautiful to know that there are people willing to leave developed areas, that we've all become accustomed to, in order to live passionately on the earth as it was provided for us. Just sit and think about this for a moment. You would not have to worry about extra concerns with materialism or silly rumors with politics,ect. You would live and only live. You would be able to think about important things and concepts because time would not be as rushed with traffic and deadlines(things humans created and now regret). Oh, and to add to this excitement...the Energy Exchange is located near the Penland Art and Craft School, where artists enrich their skills and experience with fun media. what a perfect place! Be surrounded by passionate people, interact with the earth's energy, focus on what you value the most. The relationships these people have with each other, I imagine, would be so honest and strong and real.....having each other for support and entertainment, without being distracted by technoloy. And not that technology is a bad thing, but it can destroy simple ways of life and sometimes my sanity. you guys should visit the Penland School of Arts and Crafts website, beautiful place. I hope to get there one day.
http://www.penland.org/

I love technology

2005-06-28T19:32:00.000-07:00
So I am having a good, decent afternoon at the pool(work, not play time). I was cleaning the tiles around the circumference of the pool, which is not so fun people.(how many prepositional phrases can I use in one sentence? ha.) Anyway, my dumb self put my cell phone in my bathing suit bottoms because honestly, where else is it gonna go with that swimsuit on? As I'm bending over, my phone drops- blup- right into the 5feet of water. My reflexes act as if I am executing a save and I rush into the water, retrieve my pitiful phone into dry air. So, here I am back at home with hair dryer in hand trying to blow the 'idon'tknowwhat' out of my phone to make it magically work again. And if not....I have been smacked in the face with the love of technology. But all in all, it has been pretty nice to have no contact with the outside world through phones and such. My mind has been able to think and be satisfied with itself and just me. I mean, I like you guys and all, but I really like myself. Haha, just kidding...really, that is a joke.

blast of the past. ha

2005-06-27T18:24:00.000-07:00
i wrote this a while ago, and decided to post it for no good reason except to get some of my "stuff" out in the open. I think that's good sometimes to reveal the gross past even if it has passed.

'Numb Inside'
I want to stop but don't know how,
Finish your job and kill me now,
The pain you bring slows me down,
Music plays, I can't hear a sound,
What's happening to me - what have you done?
My world is mute and ever so loud,
Thoughts that haunt scream through my spine,
Death seems sweet if it were mine,
You took my heart with dirty hands,
Buried it deep in pure white sand,
So peaceful there with one soft breeze,
It looked unlike my blood would freeze,
Believe it not, I'm numb inside,
Can you see, I've already died,
Kiss me fast and let it spread,
The thought of you is my deathbed,
A rose, a night, we talked it through,
Love began before I knew,
I'm driving fast, don't feel a thing,
Can't think enough to even sing,
I stare so hard just right ahead,
Rethink the words you might have said,
My foot presses down, my fingers grip tight,
Exhausted I feel of suffering this fight,
I never thought I'd live this way,
I never dreamed it as I prayed,
Oh, Lord the love you planted in me,
Flew wild with angels you sent to be,
Guardians to guard love in our hearts,
To warn then protect when love starts,
The doubts, and lies come silence in time,
You whispered so soft and me too blind...

Question of the day:

2005-06-27T18:10:00.000-07:00
Why do we try to make “somebody” out of ourselves when God already spent the time to make us?

Eyes stay open

2005-06-22T21:58:00.000-07:00
So at night I get in these dumb moods where I don't feel like sleeping. Even though, I'm pretty sleepy. but I start thinking...usually it's bout nothing important, really, and I should just quit and go to bed yet I do not. Tonight, I'm thinking about how I feel distant from my family. I recently went home to hang with the folks for Father's Day and whatnot. And don't get me wrong, I had a great time. The conversations consist of what I've been up to and what is in store for me for next semester, the usual talk between my parents and me. And through it all, I feel like I didn't get to talk to em. This is disheartening because at this moment- tonight- I feel like they don't really know me. They knew me like 4 years ago, but now its different. And I hate that. The only reason I can come up with that allows this distance to grow is time. The lack of it. No time to call during the day, no time to drive down there and visit, no time to think about it...except for tonight. So as for tonight, I am an orphan within my state of being and all I would want is a hug. A real hug, one that does not imply anything except genuine caring things, like what friends share. I'm sick of people being scared of implications or even having to worry about creating an implication for someone else. It would be great to be able to do whatever feels right, you know? Like telling my parents, for instance, that I feel unlike a daughter....or holding a friend's hand just because sometimes I feel like holding a hand. Not because I 'like' that person, whoever it may be at that time. (Sorry, now I'm jumping around on issues) Either way, I would like not to have to walk on egg shells with my close friends...especially if its about 'touching' or 'huggin' and all that in true intentions, just to keep that straight.

To make you smile :)

2005-06-17T11:29:00.000-07:00
When you feel a little down, a phone call is always cheerful and uplifting. Now, you can have more than just a happy ring tone. Get your very own Ring Tone Dancer! Nothing makes you smile more than a random dude dancing in yellow spandex :) see, you're smiling already.

sorry for confusions, jimmy

2005-06-16T13:49:00.000-07:00
It is a known fact that some homo sapians think more than others. Some do not think at all, or atleast that's what it seems while others think so much it becomes unhealthy. Like eating McDonalds or not eating anything particular at all. Words to some homo sapians are mere words. Words to other homo sapians are answers to the greatest questions: Who am I? What am I? Do I look like that? Why am I here? Who are you? What are you? Do you look like that? Why are you here? What should I wear to lunch today? ...... you know, questions of that nature. I find that, I myself, can over analyze words than what is considered healthy. Anything to an extreme is known or said (in words) to be unhealthy. But not as unhealthy as eating McDonalds...if you like to put things on a scale to be rated against each other. I hear other homo sapians' words and really think hard about them. So much that they don't mean the intentioned meaning any longer. It is like when you stare at yourself too long in a mirror that your face becomes tiny bits of a face, not exactly your face anymore because that is not what your face looks like- next to a photo that is. Then you blink and your face reappears in the mirror, before too long, it's tiny bits again. See the pattern? This is what I do with words, sometimes. Doesn't everyone? I think about them for so long that they become tiny bits and mean completely new things. And not only do I think about words too much, but sounds too. When another homo sapian makes noises, also known as 'sighs' 'breathing' 'long silences of nothing' or 'grunts', I over think that each noise means something. Do they all have meanings? After I get tired of analyzing words ( plus noises), a conversation becomes something completely new of what it entirely meant to mean in the first place. This can be confusing at times and may cause unexplainable dispositions between two people (homo sapians) who never meant their exchanging words to mean what in the end they meant. So, here is my apology for over thinking about words....in the near future, I will try to concentrate on more important things like 'Who am I? What am I? Do I look like that? Why am I here? Who are you? What are you? Do you look like that? Why are you here? What should I wear to lunch today?

Math class :(

2005-06-09T10:00:00.000-07:00
statistics + me= zoning out...like music in my head that makes me dance around a naked room with tons and tons of mirrors. the percentage of this really happening is less than 50%. and that much i know, which to me, is enough to know about statistics. or how much sugar i put in my coffee cup is usually 2 teaspoons, depending on the size of the cup of course, but the need to know how many grams = 1 teaspoon is the reason that i keep hearing music in my head that makes me dance around a mirrored room.

2005-06-07T16:44:00.000-07:00

jsut me

my insides gutted for you

2005-06-07T15:23:00.000-07:00
so i got jealous of darbs' cool blogger and decided in a rash way that i would participate. plus, she has cool pics on hers, and i wanted to play too. my inner thoughts might be revealed on this dang blog and so this is why i decided to name it what i named it. if you really think about it....when you write your thoughts out, first you actually have to think about what you're thinking about, then figure out how to put it all into words (i call this regurgitation).... digest some words and spit them back out. So, when you guys read my 'innersities'( a word i made up once) you are reading my gutted insides. grab a spoon and enjoy!